BN#46: Finding Your True Self: 9 Ways to Get Unstuck So You Can Thrive
“Stop looking outside for help. You’re sourced and fuelled and funded by a renewable resource, which is within you. It never runs out. It is your Essence. It’s your life.” Michael Bernard Beckwith
Your external life is a reflection of your internal life, who you are. In other words, your external world is a reflection or mirror of your mind, heart, (and spirit). As Michael Beckwith has said, the real secret of the movie The Secret (the law of attraction), which he appears in, is that we attract that what we are—i.e. who we are on the inside—the development of our body, mind, emotions, and spirit. This is the heart of self-development–how do you develop (or get unstuck or unblocked) the mind, emotions, body, and spirit.
You are blocked or stuck in some way if you are not already thriving in all areas of your awesome life. While many of us look at strategies or tactics, ultimately the root cause that prevents us from getting everything we want is that we are not yet the kind of person who can get what we desire.
BE-DO-HAVE
The model of BE, Do, HAVE is now replacing the old model of DO-HAVE-BE (Work hard, get the money, and then retire to what you want). BE relates to who you are, your self-identity. However, we know that up to 95% of our Do is being driven by our subconscious BE, our subconscious mind. I believe that being our True Self with our whole mind (including our subconscious) functioning properly (BE) is the key to operating as our best selves (BE, DO) in order to create a life of health, happiness, love, and abundance (HAVE). Ben Hardy has a great explanation of the future self and the BE-DO-HAVE here
I have been able to identify 9 main categories where people get stuck or blocked. These blockages or components happen when we operate from our False Self Operating system. When we are in flow, we operate from the 9 components of the True Self Operating System. These 9 True Self Components also correspond to the 9 main brain integrations of the Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) framework.
True Self Whole Mind Model
“When you get right down to it, psychotherapy, training, and personal development aim at making our life an expression of our profound being.” The Ancestor Syndrome by Anne Ancelin Schutzenberger
The True Self Whole Mind Model (diagram above) depicts all the main components of the True Self Operating System (yellow, green, blue components) vs the False Self Operating System (components in red) and also the 9 Neuroscience drive Brain-Based Integrations. It also organizes these components and integration into 3 main categories:
1. Conscious Manifesting Mind or Conscious Mind (in Yellow)
2. Connected Emotional or Connected Mind (In Green)
3. Compassionate Attached Mind or Compassionate Mind (In Blue)
The Conscious Manifesting Mind is most closely related to becoming our conscious True Self as we move from being unconscious false self (in red) via conscious integration. We become more of our True Self (in yellow in the diagram) with core beliefs and values that align with our life purpose as we move from operating via our core wounds and adaptive behaviors (False Self Operating System component in red in the diagram) using narrative integration. We will also be 100% responsible for our lives and be able to access our creative mind and possess the beliefs and thoughts that enable us to manifest our life (our future self) as “an expression of our profound being.”
The Connected Emotional Mind is most closely related to 4 main integrations. It’s best when these integrations are achieved to connect our mind, heart (emotions), and body. These integrations are horizontal integration, vertical integration, memory integration, and state integration. Horizontal integration is increased by either increasing the left brain to integrate with the right brain OR the right brain to integrate more with the left brain. Vertical integration is increased as you integrate the triune or 3 brains (cortex, limbic, and brain stem); this occurs when you move from being emotionally and physically dysregulated (in red) to emotionally and body regulated. Memory integration is increased when you heal past events and trauma (in blue). State integration is increased when your various parts (such as inner critic or inner child) and your various potential states (such as anxiety, anger, shame, depression) are healed.
The Compassionate Secure Mind is most related to 3 Integrations: interpersonal, temporal, and transpirational integration. These Integrations are raised when you move from the False Self components of low self-compassion, external goals, and insecure attachments towards being high self-compassion, using your gifts to live your mission in your life (future self), and having a secure attachment.
Components Can Match Multiple Minds and Integrations
It would be misleading to believe that you are only improving or using one of either your Compassionate Secure Mind (Compassionate Mind for short) or Consciousness Manifesting Mind (Conscious Mind) or Connected Emotional Mind (Connected Mind). In actual fact, you are probably using multiple components as you work on each of the integrations.
For example, to heal trauma, which is a component of the Connected Mind, you are using Conscious Mind to first be aware of your trauma. You are using the Connected Mind via horizontal, vertical, and memory integration to move from implicit memory to explicit memory. And you are also using Compassionate Mind to witness the trauma and to heal the past issue. If it is an attachment issue related to developmental trauma, then you are using interpersonal integration.
Therefore, you could be working with many different integrations and all 3 Minds at the same time on one issue. As you heal an issue or become more integrated, you are also increasing integration with other parts. The diagram is there to create a model to help us understand the major components and their interactions with the various components.
It is easier to understand that the True Self Whole Mind is composed of 3 major parts that interact with each other: Conscious Mind, Compassionate Mind, and Connected Mind. Then it is easy to remember and define the sub-components. As we increase each of the 3 Minds, we become more and more of our True Self.
Levels of 3 Main Components Needed to Heal
The Conscious Mind, The Connected Mind, and the Compassionate Mind interact with each other. You could rank the level (for example 1 to 10 (10 being the highest)) obtained in each mind. The higher the levels, the more ability you have to heal and use the other minds. For example, the Compassionate Mind is required to heal the inner critic, a segment of the Connected Mind. If you have only a level 2 Compassionate Mind, you may need to increase the level to say a Level 6 Compassionate Mind (i.e. more self-compassion) which will then allow you to heal the inner critic. Similarly, you need to have a certain level of awareness or Conscious Mind to be able to observe the inner critic. As your level of awareness increases and your level of your Compassionate Mind increases, it becomes easier to heal your inner critic.
Similarly, you need your Connected Mind vertical integration to be at a high enough level to be able to feel your emotions in order to have compassion and attachment to others. The Connected Mind is important to feed awareness to the Conscious Mind to feel the attachment, a segment of the Compassionate Mind
The Order to Creating Our True Self Whole Mind
Everyone is different and I think the order to take is different. I started by first increasing my conscious awareness i.e. Conscious Mind. I then increased my Compassionate Mind (all three integrations). Then I healed my Connected Mind. And then when those were high enough, then I was able to go back and complete the narrative integration and heal my core wound and adaptive behaviors. During this time, I went back and forth amongst the various Minds healing a little of each component and as one thing healed, then I could heal another segment. Currently, I am focused on activities that increase my secure attachment.
The Key to Life and Mastering Your Destiny
“Countless books today appeal to our yearning for a key to life, or at least to a part of life, which only experts know: methods, secrets, tips, or tactics for mastering the forces that otherwise master us. To judge from the records of ancient civilizations, this must be one of the oldest of human desires. Is there a key to destiny?….The Buddha’s answer, set out more than twenty-five hundred years ago, has a very modern appeal. Our destiny he said, lies in our own hands: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. We are formed and molded by our thoughts.” It follows that what we shall be tomorrow is shaped by what we think today. To this penetrating observation he added a simple twist. “Don’t try to control the future,” he would say, “Work on the one thing you can learn to control: your own responses.”….
This is not a book about the Buddha or his teachings, yet I will mention him often in these pages. The reason is simple: no one teaches more clearly that mastery of life depends on mastering the mind. If we want to grow to our fullest human stature, the Buddha would say, all we have to do is teach the mind how to think differently: how to be calm, kind, and creative in any situation.” Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Calm Mind = Connected Emotional Mind that is regulated emotionally, healed of past traumas and has a peaceful inner critic.
Kind Mind = Compassionate Attached Mind that is high in self-compassion, securely attached and is using gifts in service to others and mission.
Creative Mind = Conscious Manifesting Mind that is True Self connected to Source and is free to create and manifest without core wounds and adaptive behaviors
Therefore, The True Self Whole Mind model gives you the ability to transform your mind into one that is connected, compassionate and conscious and teach your mind how to think differently: how to be calm, kind, and creative.
NeuroDharma
About a month after I drew the True Self Whole Mind model, I began reading NeuroDharma. In the introduction, Rick Hanson notes that those who have already climbed the mountain path to awakening to a higher consciousness have left a pathway for us.
“Those who have climbed this mountain come from different cultures and have different personalities, but they all seem alike to me in seven way. They are mindful; they are kind; they live with contentment and emotional balance through even the hardest times; they are whole and authentic; they are present here and now; they speak of feeling connected with everything; and a light shines through them that does not seem entirely their own.” Rick Hanson, NeuroDharma
Even though my model of the True Self Whole Mind is not meant to bring you to enlightenment, I find it reassuring that the first 3 attributes mentioned by Rick Hanson relate to the True Self Whole Mind's 3 major Minds: Conscious mind, Compassionate mind, and Connected emotional mind. The fourth attribute is being your whole and authentic Self and I believe when you have the first 3, then you can be your True Self, Whole Mind. The 7th characteristic of light shines through is what I might refer to as vitality, which is an attribute of the True Self Whole Mind model. For the other two attributes, you will have to practice some more to be fully present and connected with everything.
The 20/80 Rule
The True Self Whole Mind focuses on the 20% that makes the 80% difference. It does not necessarily focus on everything. However, it focuses on the important things that will make a difference in how you live your life. The model also has a broad viewpoint. Spiritualists focus on the conscious mind, therapy focuses on the emotional mind such as trauma or an emotional state, and mindful compassionate science focuses on compassion. You have others that are laser-focused on just attachment, or on shame or anxiety, or anger. This is a model that looks at all the major components and also is broad enough to focus on the more important parts of self-development.
True Self Whole Mind and Trauma Model
I have previously written on the trauma model and noted that the True Self operating system was trauma-informed. From the above diagram on PTSD vs Complex PTSD, one can see that Complex PTSD adds 3 Clusters of symptoms that are related to developmental trauma: Affect dysregulation, negative self-concept, and interpersonal disturbances. When mapped to the True Self Whole Mind model, you would get the following:
Affect dysregulation = Connected Emotional Mind = emotions (& body)
Negative self-concept = Conscious Manifesting Mind = thoughts
Interpersonal disturbances = Compassionate Secure Mind = relationships
Essentially, developmental trauma can be seen to affect 3 main clusters: cognitive, emotional (including body) & relationships (with ourselves and others). What the True Self Whole Mind model does is help to identify the root cause of the issues that causes the main issues in each of these clusters (20/80 rule).
Our relationship issues (interpersonal disturbances) with others stem from the state of our Compassionate Secure Mind that is driven by our attachment style, our compassion (i.e. love) for others and ourselves, and our mission (what we want to achieve via our work).
Our emotional issues stem from the state of our Connected Emotional Mind that is driven by our horizontal and vertical integration of our mind, our memory integration, and our states. Note that recent trauma-informed science includes the body as part of the healing of the emotional effects. As such it is important to understand the mind-heart (emotions)-body-spirit connections.
Our cognitive issues stem from the state of our Conscious Manifesting Mind. Whether we are conscious or unconscious creates a huge difference in our understanding and how we carry ourselves in the world. The stories we tell ourselves via our beliefs, values, self-identity i.e. how we think creates and forms our behaviors and actions. The biggest driver of our lives is our core wounds and adaptive behaviors. Instead of being driven by our true self and mission, many of us are driven by our past and we continue to recreate our past instead of our manifesting our mission in life.
What is difficult for most to understand is that until you are conscious, it is hard for an unconscious person to understand what it means to live in the flow of consciousness. Until you are connected emotionally, it is hard for the disconnected to understand the vitality that stems from being connected. Until you live with a compassionate, secure attachment, it is difficult to understand what it is like to live with the security of feeling loved and loving. However, that is the promise of the True Self Whole Mind model. It provides a template to live life with a conscious, connected, and compassionate mind; a mind that is calm, kind, and creative and provides you with the abilities needed to manifest and live the life you want.
The Science Model, the Diagnostic Model, and the Treatment Model
The True Self Whole Mind is a model that explains the science or logic behind the True Self programs. However, in order to help others, you need to be able to diagnose the issues and also develop a treatment plan. This is why in my 10 session program we begin with a series of diagnostic tools.
Diagnostic Model
The diagnostic tools include tests for self-compassion, attachment, grit, growth mindset, core beliefs, and others. It also includes short-form and long-form subjective assessments. The subjective assessment of the 9 integrations is below.
In addition, the treatment plan will look different from the science and diagnostic. If for example, we note that someone’s Compassionate Mind is low, the treatment plan will look different from someone who has a low Conscious Mind, low Connected Mind, and low Compassionate Mind. For someone with a low Compassionate Mind, we can look at his level of self-compassion from the self-compassion test and also check the attachment test, and look at the values-based tests, along with strengths and wheel of life. We can then develop a treatment plan based on this.
Treatment Model
Below is my typical 10 Session treatment Plan. This plan looks at touching all 9 integrations. The True Shelf Life Mission Program is based on using experiential techniques to increase the neuroplasticity to increase the integration and move away from a False Self Operating System component towards a more positive True Self Operating System component.
For example, Voice Dialogue techniques are used to talk to the inner critic to reduce its use and move towards a more Compassionate Mind. To heal our core wound or narrative integration, The Belief Closet Process is used. Rim is used to heal trauma and past events.
Examples of Using this Model to Heal
In the rest of the article, we will look at how the model can be used to help us in our self-development journey to be able to manifest our life as a profound expression of our being. We will examine how self-compassion as part of the Compassionate Secure Mind is helpful for us to function at a higher level in our life. We will see how it helps us to heal shame, create a secure attachment, heal our inner critic, and makes us more emotionally regulated. First, we will examine how our emotions are regulated and then take a deep dive into self-compassion before looking at how we heal.
The Brain’s 3 Emotional Regulation Systems
Professor Paul Gilbert who has been knighted Order of the British Empire for his contributions to Psychology and the inventor of Compassion Focused Therapy (and author of several books) has proposed that we have 3 main types of emotional regulation systems: Drive, Threat, and Soothing Systems (see above NICABM diagram of Gilbert’s system).
Gilbert was familiar with Panksepp’s 7 emotional systems that were found in humans and many mammals. However, Gilbert wanted to simplify the understanding of emotions into a simpler model. Therefore he placed the 7 into 3 and in one of his discussions I listened to, he discussed the Threat System as being the fear and anger systems and said while sadness was not immediately obviously tied to the Threat System, it closely was related. The Soothing System was close to Panksepp’s nurturing system. While the Drive System was close to Panksepp’s Seeking, Play, and Sexuality.
The great part of Gilbert’s 3 emotional regulation system model was the ease in which it explains many everyday issues. Essentially, when the systems are unbalanced it leaves us with fears, anxieties; self-criticism, shame, and depression.
Out of Balance Systems
The biggest issue for most people is the overuse of the Threat and Drive Systems and an underdeveloped Soothing System. Gilbert likes to use the term our “tricky” brain because the triune brain (3 separate brains) was shaped by evolution for us. This brain has many features that are biased for survival and are, therefore, negativity biased. This tricky brain can produce thousands of unwanted thoughts (think our monkey mind), unwanted images, and unwanted emotions daily. We did not choose for our brains to function this way, evolution shaped our brains this way.
Because of our tricky brains producing all sorts of unwanted activities, we become triggered by unwanted anxieties about the future, haunted by unwanted pains from the past (and making them feel as if the pain is happening right NOW—think trauma), and we can attack ourselves via the inner critic. We can be motivated by greed or lost in addiction via the overused dopamine (cocaine has dopamine) drive system. We can also become driven for the sake of goals that have nothing to do with our mission or to avoid aspects of ourselves that we still want to pretend is not there.
We did not choose this, this happens because of our tricky brain. Our brain treats an internal threat (our unwanted thoughts, images, emotions) exactly like an external threat real or imagined. Despite all the bugs in our brains, we are nevertheless responsible for our responses to life’s challenges. Therefore it is important for us to understand how our brains work so that we can make appropriate responses instead of being driven by our unconscious brains. Interestingly, one part of compassion is understanding our common humanity. We were all born with these tricky brains and often it is what makes us human and make mistakes. This commonality of being human with its ups and downs and tricky brains joins us all.
Is This a Threat?
The above diagram was taken from mi-psych.com.au (Your Brain’s 3 Emotion Regulation System).
I highly recommend reading the entire article here to understand the 3 Emotion Regulation System—a proper understanding will shift your perspective for the rest of your life on how to use your 3 Emotional Regulating Systems. The next few paragraphs cannot do justice compared to his 16 pages, nor Gilbert’s book.
Threat System
The Threat System is associated with emotions such as anger, anxiety, disgust, and sadness. These emotions are all designed to protect you. To defend you. To help you spot threats quickly and to take appropriate action using adrenaline and cortisol. It can also express itself as shame: “What have I done? I need to punish myself. I need to keep myself socially “safe” by not being held badly in the mind of others. You must think I am not good enough or I am not enough.” So depression, anxiety, shame, and anger (our big emotions many have difficulty regulating) all flow from the threat system, which is a survival system that is designed to keep genetic material alive, to keep you from extinction (think eaten by a lion).
The threat can be external (where it was best designed to be used) and internal (thoughts, images, memories, etc.). The Threat System evokes these powerful emotions such as anger or fear that stimulate the fight-flight response. If it is an internal response, the fight can create a self-induce self-attack via the inner critic, the flight i.e. isolation via feelings of shame or freeze via self-rumination. So for internal threats, the responses can be viewed simplistically as:
fight = inner criticism (I am not good enough)
flight = isolation via shame (You are stupid)
freeze = rumination (replay over and over)
faint = hopelessness (it will never get better)
Negative Bias and False Alarms
The Threat System has been fine-tuned by evolution over thousands of years (maybe millions?) and those with better threat systems survived via quick detection and mobilization of a response. The Threat System is always scanning (think brain stem) for danger and often triggers many false alarms because it operates on a “Better Safe than Sorry” principle. The Threat System is why humans have an automatic negativity bias in our thinking.
While a negativity bias is great to avoid lions, it becomes problematic for humans in the information age. We no longer really deal with lions or other physical external threats in the city. We instead have increased our social abilities and, instead, need to handle more emotional issues and internal threats—anxieties and past traumas—events not in the here and now present danger. The Threat System was not designed to handle all these issues all the time—yet it often becomes engaged, the implications of which, we will discuss below. There is another way to handle most of these social threats.
The Drive System
The Drive System is the seeking emotion and sense of driven, excited, and vital. It also has its roots in evolution as we are driven to find the things we want or need in order to survive (or we believe we need. When we were cavemen, the Drive System helped us to find food, shelter, and comfort. In today’s society, the Drive System helps us gain social rank and status, and achievement. The Drive System alerts us to opportunities to meet our goals and to secure resources. It is about getting more done, earning more, being more, and having more.
It is activated like the Threat System. We feel excitement and joy in this system and we are motivated by dopamine. When we achieve or gain something that we set out to do, we get a hit of dopamine.
Downside of Drive
When balanced with the Threat System and Soothing Systems, the Drive System is great at helping us to achieve our life goals. However, at the extreme, Drive is what leads to addictive behaviors such as drug addiction (heroin and nicotine highly activate dopamine neurons) or compulsive behaviors people engage in in order to avoid anxiety.
People with OCD set rules to relieve anxiety. For example, if they are afraid that the boogie man will come at night, they may set a rule that if they turn on and off the lights 10 times before going to bed, the boogie man will not come. So they obtain a hit of dopamine by turning on and off the lights 10X AND Relief from anxiety. When the boogie man does not come at night, they continue to do the ritual. So they continue to set rules like these. While this is a trivial example, we do the same all day long with our phones. We have anxiety that if we miss an email or text and we do not return someone’s call immediately, they will be upset or mad and we will be ostracized from the group/work. So we check our emails every hour and get a hit of dopamine for checking and also relief from our social or work anxiety.
We set up all kinds of rules in order to drive our good behaviors and also our bad unworkable avoidance behaviors.
The Soothing System
The Soothing System is associated with emotions of content, safe, and connection. It also feels good but uses oxytocin. It’s a system that you can literally rest, digest, and sleep easily, and begin to reorganize yourself.
It is also this system, the parasympathetic system and the vagus nerve in particular that is very important in attachment, which is the evolution of the caring behavior. When a child is distressed, he will go to his mom, who will pick him up and soothes him. This stimulates the parasympathetic system. When the child experiences these signals of kindness, he will calm down because he feels safe. Once the individual starts to feel safe, then the Threat System will calm down. The ability of the Soothing System to regulate threats comes from signals of kindness, help, and support. This creates a sense of safeness which is how the attachment system works.
The Threat-Drive Over Worked System
Human beings are pain-averse, pleasure-seeking creatures. So we are often using our Threat Systems and Drive Systems very often. We have a threat and relieve it via the Drive System. In the long run, this Threat-Drive usage becomes exhausting and leaves no space for failure (because failure triggers threat), and therefore, there is no space for peace and rest and living with “what is”.
Politicians and Advertisers are well aware of how to use this Threat-Drive System. Politicians will warn us of the fear, threat, or doom of Isis or the Taliban or global warning or healthcare disruptions or loss of freedom, etc. AND you can alleviate that threat by Voting for XYZ (Drive System).
Advertisers use this same system. They trigger fears or insecurities (dirty clothes, bad breath) which can be alleviated by buying their product which is designed to get rid of your fears and insecurities. Or advertisers can create cravings (Drive) to look beautiful or desire a new experience (for their product that you don’t need).
Mental Issues with Threat-Drive System
When the Threat-Drive System is overused to the exclusion of the Soothing System every day “mental issues” such as depression and anxiety arise. For example, people with significant depression experience not only low moods but also low motivation and self-hatred. Often these depressed people overuse their inner critic (Threat System) to motivate themselves to take action (Drive System). However, this often increases their experience of distress (which then increases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline and in distress, they lose their ability to access their prefrontal cortex’s analytical brain. This reduces their options and creativity and makes failure more likely. Failure then triggers the inner critic (I am not good enough AND now I am a failure also), which may result in a spiral of self-criticism and hopelessness, which leads to self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.
Other times, people with the I’m not good enough core wound will use the Drive System to overachieve as an adaptive behavior or False Self to feel good about themselves. However, they have set themselves up for disappointment and huge shame via their inner critic if they ever fail because no one can continue to “do more, be more, have more”. Also, even when they often reach the pinnacle of achievement, they still feel something missing and hollow in their lives.
Similarly, with anxiety, some will use the Threat System to avoid the source of the anxiety versus “feeling the anxiety”. This avoidance strategy works when they avoid the imminent threat using the Drive System and get hit with dopamine. However, over time, it teaches the person that they “cannot cope”. Also, the person has not learned any skills to deal with the anxiety (such as those thought in CBT). The “threat” thoughts still circulate in the mind and threats keep being added. Eventually, anxiety will come along that is too great or prolonged and the person cannot handle it. Then the person also adds “I am a failure” and shame to the anxiety and begins a cycle into a depressed state (and that triggers again the Threat-Drive System cycle into hopelessness).
Overuse of the Threat-Drive System can lead to a person getting stuck and lead to anxiety, shame, anger, depression, eating disorders, self-hatred, depression, and hopelessness; and many physical issues such as allergies and many immune-based disorders due to the overactivation of cortisol and adrenaline. We will later look at how the compassionate mind can help to alleviate some of these issues.
The Soothing Drive System Solution
The solution to the overworked Threat Drive System is to use the Soothing Drive System. This is is self-compassion. Many people do not understand that self-compassion has two components: 1) the sensitivity to suffering or pain and 2) the willingness to take action to do something about it. Know that doing something about it may come in the form of just soothing yourself. However, it may also mean being a Mama Bear and taking action to alleviate the suffering. Now, these actions, because the person has access to their prefrontal cortex and the imagination and analytical brain, may take longer to formulate but because there is more flexibility, the probabilities of success increase.
Furthermore, if there is an initial failure in the plan, the ability to recover and be more resilient is higher in the person who is using self-compassion.
We will discuss more self-compassion later in this article.
The True Self Whole Mind System and The 3 Emotional Regulation System
As noted above, many emotional issues result from the Threat System. Another way to look at this is that emotional issues happen when the Connected Emotional Mind is not functioning properly or the Compassionate Secure Mind is not being used. We can map the 3 Emotional Regulation System to the True Self Whole Mind System as follows:
Connected Emotional Mind = Threat System
Compassionate Secure Mind = Soothing System
Conscious Manifesting Mind = Drive System
If you superimpose one system diagram onto the other, they would like the one below. The relationship between the two Models allows us to use simple representations and explanations to understand very complex underlying systems. We will examine next how to use the Compassionate Mind to help heal the Threat System issues.
How To Use This Information to Help Your Self Development
In the next edition, we will look at how you can use the Compassionate Mind to help get unstuck. I actually had written it, but it was too long to post in the same edition, so I will be sending out the other very shortly.
Action Items:
Understand when you are using your Threat instead of your Soothing System.
How would you rate from 1 to 10 your 3 Minds: Conscious Manifesting Mind, Connected Emotional Mind, and Compassionate Secure Mind?