BN#57: Quick Guide to Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Free Summit to Help Families Dealing with Addiction and Other Trauma Effects
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When I first learned about Internal Family Systems (IFS), I finally understood addictions and one path to help with them. I learned IFS too late to help my best friend Jeff and my brother Wayne. Both were alcoholics and both died during Covid when they were sober. Jeff from a heart attack and Wayne from Covid. I think alcohol had taken a significant toll on their bodies.
What I learned from IFS is that addictions (alcohol, sex, shopping, work, etc.) are just parts of us (the firefighters in IFS lingo) that help us when we become overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that we can’t handle. Often these thoughts and feelings are brought about by our strong internal Judge or shame or guilt, which are just other parts of us.
Essentially, addictions are Parts of us that are trying to help us from the pain of our inner child that learned (incorrectly) during childhood that they were not loved, not enough, nor safe. Unfortunately, often the help of the addiction firefighter has other consequences and leads to more pain and suffering. Many have found that IFS therapy is a very compassionate therapy to families from addiction to recovery, since addiction is often not about the now, but the lingering effects of childhood trauma.
IFS is also very effective. Many therapists have gravitated towards IFS when working with trauma. “IFS Therapy for the Treatment of PTSD and Complex Trauma” was the first study funded by the Foundation back in 2014. Led by Hilary Hodgdon, PhD,
The results showed that IFS therapy had significantly positive effects on adults with PTSD and histories of exposure to multiple forms of childhood trauma. Following the sixteen (16) 90-minute sessions, PTSD and depressive symptoms were significantly reduced, with an overall time effect observed. Notably, at the one-month follow-up assessment, 92% of participants no longer met the criteria for PTSD.
Below is a quick guide to understanding IFS and how it can help all of us that suffer from incorrect or no longer true emotional learnings from childhood that we are not good enough, we are not loved, or we are not safe.
Guide to Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Chapter 1: Introduction to Internal Family Systems
Understanding IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a transformative and evidence-based psychotherapy approach that recognizes the complexity of the human psyche. Developed by Richard Schwartz, it proposes that our internal mental landscape is populated by different 'parts,' each with its unique perspectives, feelings, memories, and motivations. These parts are often formed in response to life experiences, especially during childhood, and play distinct roles in our psychological makeup.
Understanding Multiplicity of the Mind
The concept of the multiplicity of the mind is a fundamental aspect of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. It acknowledges that our psyche is composed of multiple parts, each with its own perspective, feelings, and history. These parts develop as a response to life experiences, and their interaction shapes our behavior, emotions, and thoughts.
Embracing All Parts
IFS encourages us to recognize and embrace all parts of ourselves. Even those that seem negative or destructive are understood to have positive intentions. By understanding and harmonizing these parts, we can work towards a more integrated and functional internal system
In IFS, there are two primary components of our psyche Self and Parts.
The Self: Often referred to as the True Self, it's the core of our being. The Self is characterized by qualities such as calmness, curiosity, compassion, and clarity. It is not damaged by life experiences and is inherently wise and healing.
The Parts: These are sub-personalities or aspects of our psyche that have developed over time. They are classified into:
Exiles: Often carrying painful emotions from past traumas, these parts are usually hidden away or suppressed.
Managers: These parts work proactively to protect us from pain, often by controlling our environment or internal state.
Firefighters: Reacting to threats to the exiled parts, they act quickly, sometimes impulsively, to soothe or distract from pain.
Role of IFS in Healing
IFS helps us understand and heal our parts by fostering a compassionate dialogue between the Self and the various parts. By acknowledging and respecting the role of each part, we can begin to heal the wounds they carry, leading to a more harmonious internal system.
1. Practical Exercise: Getting to Know Your Parts
2. Reflection: Spend a few minutes in a quiet space. Breathe deeply and center yourself.
3. Identification: Think of a recent situation where you had a strong emotional reaction. Try to identify the part of you that was reacting. Was it an anxious manager trying to control the situation? Or a protective firefighter reacting impulsively?
4. Dialogue: In your mind, start a conversation with this part. Ask it why it felt the need to react in that way. Listen to its concerns and fears.
5. Understanding: Reflect on the answers. Understand that this part has a positive intention, even if its methods are not always helpful.
6. Integration: Acknowledge the part's role and express gratitude for its efforts to protect you. Reassure it that your True Self can handle the situation in a balanced way.
Chapter 2: The Importance of the True Self in IFS and True Self Mind Mastery
Embracing the True Self in IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) places significant importance on the concept of the 'True Self.' The True Self, as understood in IFS, is akin to our authentic self, the observer, or the soul. It's the aspect of our being that remains unburdened by life's traumas and possesses qualities like wisdom, compassion, and clarity. The True Self is central to IFS therapy, as it's the part that facilitates healing and integration of the various parts (Managers, Firefighters, Exiles) within us.
The IFS True Self is equivalent to the Transcendent Self (Self-as-Context) in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the Sage in Positive Intelligence, no-Self in Buddhism, or the Soul in Christianity.
The 8C's of the True Self
In IFS, the True Self is further characterized by the 8C's:
Calmness,
Curiosity,
Compassion,
Clarity,
Confidence,
Courage,
Creativity, and
Connectedness.
These qualities are not just traits but are seen as inherent capacities of the True Self. When individuals are in a Self-led state, they naturally exhibit these 8C's, enabling them to approach their internal parts and life situations with a balanced and healing perspective.
Integration and the True Self in IFS Therapy
IFS therapy aims at achieving integration where the True Self, endowed with the 8C's, leads the internal system. This is known as Self-Leadership in IFS. This integrative process involves healing various parts, enabling the True Self to guide individuals toward comprehensive personal development and well-being.
The True Self in True Self Mind Mastery
The True Self Mind Mastery program resonates with the IFS perspective on the True Self. It emphasizes the transition from a 'false self-operating system' - a state often rooted in trauma and dissociation and based on fear - to living from love and being your authentic True Self and being Self-Led.
This transformation is pivotal for reconnecting with our minds, emotions, and bodies, becoming trauma-informed, and fully accepting responsibility for our responses. The program highlights that embracing the True Self is essential for personal growth, living one's life mission, and achieving spiritual growth.
The Inner Child and the True Self
Central to this transformation is the recovery of the Inner Child, which is considered a significant pathway to reconnecting with the True Self. The Inner Child represents our natural personality before the overlay of the false self. In IFS, healing the Inner Child is a process that strengthens the True Self, allowing for a return to authenticity and creativity.
Chapter 3: IFS, Managers, and Saboteurs – Understanding and Engaging
The Dual Concepts of Managers, Saboteurs, and the Conceptualized Mind
In the realm of psychotherapy, similar concepts often emerge under different names in various systems. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), 'Managers' are proactive parts that maintain control and safety in our psyche. In Positive Intelligence, similar parts are termed 'Saboteurs.' Although the names differ, the underlying concept is the same – these are parts that manage our behavior and emotional responses, often rooted in past experiences. In ACT we refer to the Conceptualized Mind—this is essentially equivalent to the IFS Managers.
Managers in IFS: The 6 F's
In IFS, Managers are understood through the lens of the 6 F's, which provide a comprehensive framework for understanding their roles and actions:
Find: Identifying and acknowledging the presence of a Manager part. Where in your body do you feel that Part of you?
Focus: Concentrating on understanding the Manager's role and intentions. Asking the Part, What is your role and how do you accomplish this.
Flesh Out: Exploring the characteristics, fears, and beliefs of the Manager.
Feel Towards: Understanding how the Self feels towards the Self and how the Part feels towards the Self.
BeFriend: Developing a friendly and compassionate relationship with the Manager.
Fear: Understanding the Manager's fears and concerns. Asking the Manager what is your worst fear for the person”.
3.3 Dialogue with Managers/Saboteurs
Engaging with Managers/Saboteurs involves a process of inquiry to understand their roles, fears, and origins. Typical questions might include:
Role Exploration: Where in your body does this Part hang out? Asking the Part, "What is your role in my life? How do you try to help me?"
Feel Towards and Befriend: How do you feel towards this Part of you? How does this Part feel towards you?
Age and Origin: "How old were you when you first appeared in my life? What was happening around that time?"
Visual Representation: "When you first came into my life, what image or form did you take?"
Understanding the Context: "Can you tell me more about the circumstances when you first emerged? What were you trying to manage or control at that time?"
Identifying Fears: "What are your greatest fears? What are you trying to protect me from?"
3.4 Practical Exercise: Engaging with Your Manager/Saboteur
Identify a Manager/Saboteur: Reflect on a part of you that seems to be controlling or protective. It could be an inner critic, a perfectionist, or a part that avoids risks.
Initiate Dialogue: Find a quiet space and mentally converse with this part. Use the questions above to understand its role, fears, and origins.
Acknowledge and Appreciate: Recognize the Manager/Saboteur's intentions, even if they sometimes lead to unhelpful behaviors. Show gratitude for its protective efforts.
Note that the 6 F’s are another way of putting into practice the 6 ACT-based skills: Awareness, Cognitive Difusion, Transcendent Self, Acceptance, Values, and Committed Behavior.
First, you become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in your body. Then you can cognitively diffuse from the Part and observe the Part’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Then your True Self is asked how it feels towards your Part and vice-versa. Here you are focused on the feelings of your Transcendent Self. Last you are asked to see if you are compassionate or perhaps Clarity (values i.e. one of the 8 C’s) and you move towards those values (committed behavior) via acceptance of the Part and the role it plays in your life.
Chapter 4: IFS, the Inner Child, and Healing Exiles
Introduction to the Inner Child and Exiles
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), I use the concepts of the 'Inner Child' and 'Exiles' as being equal. Exiles are the deeply wounded parts of ourselves, often originating from childhood experiences. These parts carry the emotional scars of past traumas and are essential to our healing journey.
Understanding Exiles
Exiles are parts that hold intense emotions and painful memories. They represent aspects of ourselves that felt hurt, neglected, or unloved, embodying feelings of worthlessness, fear, or shame.
The Relationship Between Protectors and Exiles
Understanding the role of Protectors, who shield the Inner Child from further harm, is crucial. The healing journey involves navigating this dynamic and building trust with Protectors to access and nurture the Exiles.
The 6-Step Unburdening Process
1. Creating a Self-to-Part Relationship: Building a compassionate connection between the Self and the Exile.
2. Witnessing the Past to Be Understood: Delving into the Exile's experiences to comprehend their emotional wounds.
3. Do-Over and Retrieval: Revisiting and transforming past traumatic scenarios.
4. Unburdening of Pain/Beliefs/Emotions: Releasing the Exile's emotional burdens, beliefs, and trapped emotions.
5. Invitation to Reclaim What Was Lost: Encouraging the Exile to reconnect with their positive qualities and strengths.
6. Integration of the Changes: Harmonizing the healed Exile with the overall internal system.
Personal Narrative: Transforming My Core Wound
Reflecting on personal experiences, an individual realizes how early life stressors and traumas led to the formation of beliefs like for me, "I am a failure" or "I am damaged." Through IFS, I connected with my exiled parts, offering compassion and using the IFS unburdening framework, I changed those beliefs into a more empowering belief to be core belief: "I am a magical creator." This process facilitated the healing of the Inner Child and allowed me to embrace risk-taking and creativity in my entrepreneurial endeavors.
Experiential Exercises
Letter to Your Inner Child: Write a compassionate letter to your inner child, affirming understanding and commitment to their healing.
Chapter 5: Practical Application in True Self Mind Mastery
In the True Self Mind Mastery program, Internal Family Systems principles are applied to facilitate personal transformation and healing.
The Role of the True Self in Self-Leadership
Self-leadership in IFS refers to the process where the True Self assumes a leadership role within the internal system. The True Self, characterized by the 8C's (Calmness, Curiosity, Compassion, Clarity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness), guides the system with wisdom and balance.
Fostering Self-Leadership
To foster Self-leadership:
1. Engage in practices that strengthen the presence of the True Self.
2. Regularly check in with different Parts to understand their perspectives and needs.
3. Practice mindfulness of these Parts feelings, thoughts, and sensations to enhance self-awareness and maintain a state of balance.
Benefits of Self-Leadership
With the True Self in leadership, individuals can experience more harmony, reduced internal conflict, and an increased sense of well-being. This approach leads to a more coherent sense of self, where decisions and actions are aligned with one's core values and goals.
Incorporating these chapters into your program can provide a deeper understanding of IFS principles, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging the multiplicity of the mind and fostering Self-leadership for personal growth and transformation.
Integrating Self-Leadership with True Self Mind Mastery
In the True Self Mind Mastery program, Self-leadership is the process where the True Self, the core essence of an individual, guides and harmonizes the internal system. This involves a conscious recognition and management of the various internal parts, including the Managers (or Saboteurs in Positive Intelligence terms) and the Exiles (Inner Child). In essence, as the name implies, You identify with your True Self and have Mastery over your mind. When you do this you create 3 distinct benefits:
Create internal harmony and increased peace of mind.
Release trapped emotions, freeing up system energy for more joy in your life.
Align oneself with your values and future self, creating ease and flow (instead of self-sabotage).
Example of Self-Leadership in Practice
Consider a scenario where an individual struggles with a 'Perfectionist' Or Stickler Manager/Saboteur, constantly driving them to unrealistic standards. In a Self-led approach:
Awareness: The individual recognizes this 'Perfectionist' part and its impact on their well-being.
Dialogue: They engage in a mental dialogue with the Perfectionist, understanding its intentions (to avoid failure or criticism) and learning its greatest fears.
Unburdening: Obtaining permission from the Stickler, the individual goes back into the past and befriends the inner child being protected by the Stickler. The unburdening process is followed and the Inner Child/Exile is brought to the present with a new belief and understanding and realizes it’s no longer a child and needs to be perfect to prevent criticism.
Compassion The True Self, embodying qualities like compassion and clarity, reassures the Inner Child that making mistakes is part of growth (growth mindset), and perfection is not necessary for self-worth.
Negotiation: The True Self negotiates a new role for the Perfectionist, shifting its focus from avoiding mistakes to supporting healthy striving and learning.
Role of the True Self
The True Self acts as a wise, compassionate leader, balancing the needs and fears of the different parts. It guides the internal system towards healthier patterns of thinking and behavior, transforming the internal dialogue from one of criticism and fear to one of understanding and growth.
The Outcome
Through Self-leadership, individuals learn to harmonize their internal system, leading to reduced internal conflicts and a more cohesive sense of self. This approach aligns actions and decisions with the individual's core values and goals, fostering personal growth and fulfillment in alignment with the True Self Mind Mastery principles.
Real-Life Examples and Case Studies
Case Study 1: An individual struggling with self-doubt and a critical inner voice underwent a series of IFS sessions. By identifying and engaging with their protective parts and the exiled parts carrying feelings of inadequacy, they were able to transform these beliefs into a sense of self-empowerment and confidence.
Case Study 2: Another participant, dealing with the aftermath of childhood trauma, used IFS to access and heal their Inner Child. This process involved understanding the protective role of their managers and unburdening the exiled parts, leading to significant emotional healing and improved relationships.
Guided Practices for Self-Awareness and Healing
Exercise 1: Identifying Personal Parts
a) Reflect on different emotions, thoughts, or behaviors you experience.
b) Try to identify which parts are active in these experiences (e.g., a protective part, a managerial part, or an exiled part).
c) Journal about these parts, noticing their intentions, fears, and how they influence your life.
Exercise 2: Dialogue with a Part
a) Choose a part you've identified and find a quiet place for reflection.
b) Initiate a mental dialogue with this part, asking about its role, fears, and what it needs.
c) Listen attentively, offering compassion and understanding to this part.
Conclusion: Integrating IFS in Everyday Life
Applying IFS principles in daily life involves continuous self-exploration and engagement with our internal parts. It’s a practice of recognizing when different parts are active, understanding their roles, and integrating their perspectives for a balanced and harmonious internal environment.
amazing sharing!!!