BN#63: Becoming Your Authentic Self: Mastering Three Powerful Psychological Tools to Access and Heal Your True Self and Rewrite Your Stories

Introduction

Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of anxiety and control, trying to manage every aspect of your life just to feel safe? This was Jack’s experience. Growing up, he was laughed at, which left him feeling vulnerable and anxious, when he had a bad experience in kindergarten. To cope, Jack developed a need to control his environment and the people around him—a way to manage his lifelong stress and anxiety and protect himself from further pain. He sought help everywhere—Tony Robbins’ coaching, self-development seminars with Eckhart Tolle, spiritual guidance from other gurus, and decades of therapy. Despite all these efforts, he still felt trapped. But what if I told you that Jack finally found a way to break free from his every single day anxiety and need to control everyone and everything?

Today, I want to talk about three of the latest and most powerful psychological tools that most people have not heard about: acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), positive intelligence (PQ), and internal family systems (IFS). These tools have the potential to transform your life by helping you heal from past traumas and rewrite your story to align with your true self. They are practical, accessible, and effective for anyone looking to live more authentically and fully and of course, to live without trait anxiety.

Part 1: Understanding the 3 Tools—ACT, IFS, PQ

Let’s start with the six skills of ACT that create psychological flexibility, the foundation of living a fulfilled and authentic life. Psychological flexibility is the ability to stay present, open, and engaged with life, even when it’s challenging. It’s about adapting to life’s changing circumstances and internal experiences without letting them control your actions.

At the core of psychological flexibility are six skills taught by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT:

1. Acceptance: embracing your thoughts and feelings without trying to change them.

2. Cognitive Defusion: Observing your thoughts without being overwhelmed by them, seeing them as just thoughts rather than absolute truths.

3. Present Moment Awareness: Staying grounded in the here and now instead of being caught up in the past or worried about the future.

4. Self-as-Context: Understanding that you are more than your thoughts and emotions; you are the observer of your experiences.

5. Values Clarification: Identifying what truly matters to you and what kind of life you want to lead.

6. Committed Action: Taking purposeful steps aligned with your values, even when it’s challenging.

These six skills form a powerful framework for developing psychological flexibility. In fact, a major study, often called the 'Death Star Project,' reviewed over 54,000 psychological studies and found that psychological flexibility, cultivated through these ACT skills, accounted for up to 85-90% of why people change. This shows just how transformative these 6 skills can be.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is rapidly becoming one of the most powerful therapeutic models for addressing trauma. By understanding the mind as composed of various parts—each with distinct roles—it helps individuals identify and heal their wounded parts. IFS categorize these parts into protectors and exiles. Protectors are the adaptive behaviors that shield our vulnerable inner child, or exile (think inner child), from further harm. What makes IFS so effective, particularly for trauma, is its compassionate approach: it views these protective parts not as flaws but as adaptive responses formed to protect us during vulnerable times.

By addressing these parts, IFS help people recognize and heal deep-seated core wounds like 'I am not enough' or 'I am not safe,' often carried by the inner child. The process integrates these parts back into the true self, which naturally embodies qualities like compassion, calm, and confidence. This leads to lasting healing and a profound shift from living in fear to living with authenticity.

Positive intelligence (PQ) complements this process by offering a quick and accessible way to identify these protective parts—known in PQ as saboteurs—that arise from our ego. PQ uses simple mental exercises called PQ Reps to shift our brain from Saboteur-driven thinking to a state of Sage wisdom. It is one of the fastest ways to train the six ACT skills, helping us cultivate psychological flexibility and stay aligned with our core values.

Each of these psychological tools offers by themselves a comprehensive framework that can work on its own. Together, ACT, IFS, and PQ offer a comprehensive path to self-realization, with IFS helping us dive deep into trauma and core wounds while PQ helps us quickly identify patterns and train our mind to respond with wisdom rather than fear. Combined with ACT, these tools create a powerful framework for transforming fear-based behaviors and stepping into your true, authentic self.

In the True Self-Mind Mastery Program, we use these skills as part of a broader approach that includes positive intelligence (PQ) and internal family systems (IFS). PQ, for example, helps us identify and manage what we call saboteurs—those adaptive behaviors that stem from our ego and past traumas. IFS then allow us to go deeper, understanding these behaviors not as flaws but as protective parts of ourselves. Together, these tools provide a comprehensive path to self-realization, helping us move away from our conceptualized self and toward our true, authentic self.

Part 2: The Path to Self-Realization and Living an Authentic Life Through ACT, PQ, and IFS

So, how do these tools help Jack and can help us realize our true selves? Let’s start with positive intelligence, or PQ. PQ is a quick and effective way to identify the adaptive behaviors, or saboteurs, that often dominate our actions. These saboteurs are rooted in the ego and are based on fear. They include behaviors like controlling, pleasing, or avoiding—each one a strategy we’ve developed to protect ourselves from perceived threats.

But identifying these saboteurs is just the beginning. With Internal Family Systems, or IFS, we can move beyond simply recognizing these behaviors to understanding the fears and vulnerabilities they are protecting. IFS allow us to connect with our inner child, the part of us that holds core wounds and negative beliefs like 'I am not safe,' 'I am not loved,' or 'I am not enough.' By engaging with these parts of ourselves through IFS, we can begin to heal these wounds often formed in childhood (developmental trauma) and separate from our conceptualized self or ego.

This process, known as cognitive defusion, helps us see these thoughts and beliefs for what they are—just thoughts, not truths. As we distance ourselves from these old narratives, we begin to connect with our true self, the part of us that is naturally compassionate, curious, calm, clear, confident, courageous, creative, and connected—the 8 C's of IFS.

Through this journey of self-realization, we transform our lives. Take Jill, for example. PQ helped her quickly identify her primary Saboteur—the part of her that PQ calls the Sticker or the Perfectionist in generic terms. Being a stickler left Jill being anxious about everything throughout the day, especially if things were not perfect. PQ also helped Jill to build psychological flexibility, which allowed her to use the tool of IFS effectively and quickly. Through IFS, she discovered that this Saboteur was protecting her inner child’s fear of being 'not good enough.' By understanding and healing this core wound, Jill moved away from her conceptualized self and began to embody her true self, living with more confidence, clarity, and courage without feeling the need to always be the Stickler in everything she did and completely “curing” her anxiety.

Part 3: Practical Application for Access and Healing Your True Self

Now that we’ve explored how these tools guide us toward self-realization, i.e., living your authentic life, let’s talk about how you can apply them in your own life to achieve deeper healing and live a life of inner peace, joy, love, and abundance.

First, let us see how Jack was able to cure the root cause of his anxiety and controlling behavior.

Jack’s journey began by identifying his controller Saboteur through Positive Intelligence (PQ). This controlling behavior stemmed from a core wound he developed in kindergarten, where he internalized the belief, 'I am stupid.' By using the PQ App and practicing PQ Reps, Jack strengthened his ACT skills, helping him access his True Self. Through Internal Family Systems (IFS), Jack healed this core wound. By curing the root cause of his anxiety, Jack eliminated his daily stress and the need to control, now living with calm, confidence, and authenticity.

In the True Self Mind Mastery (TSMM) Program, we integrate ACT, PQ, and IFS to help individuals on their path to self-realization and to help manage their emotional traits such as lifelong anxiety, anger, and not feeling fulfilled. Here’s how you can use these tools in your everyday life:

1. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Start by practicing ACT to develop psychological flexibility. This means learning to accept your thoughts and emotions without judgment and committing to actions that align with your core values. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, stress, or any other challenge, ACT helps you stay open, aware, and engaged, moving beyond avoidance and fear into a space of intentional living. Interestingly, many studies have been done that show that the 6 ACT Skills when developed improve almost every area of your life.

2. Identifying Saboteurs with Positive Intelligence (PQ): Use PQ to identify the Saboteurs that are most active in your life. These are the adaptive behaviors like the controller, pleaser, or avoider that you’ve developed over time. By becoming aware of these parts, you can start to see how they are preventing you from living authentically. Doing the PQ program even by itself has generated amazing improvement in reducing Saboteurs and improving one’s life.

3. Healing and Integration with Internal Family Systems (IFS): Once you’ve identified your saboteurs through PQ, use IFS to explore the deeper fears they are protecting. This involves connecting with the inner child and understanding the core wounds or negative beliefs that underlie these behaviors. Through compassionate exploration, you can heal these wounds and move toward your true self, embodying the 8 C's of IFS.

By using ACT to build psychological flexibility, PQ to identify and manage sabotages, and IFS to heal and integrate all parts of ourselves, we can achieve profound self-realization. These tools help us shift from a life driven by ego and fear to one led by our true selves, aligning our actions with our deepest values.

Imagine starting your day with a brief PQ Rep exercise to ground yourself in the present moment (ACT). Throughout the day, you use PQ to recognize when a Saboteur is trying to take over, and then apply IFS techniques to stay connected to your true self. Over time, these practices help you respond to life’s challenges from a place of authenticity and strength rather than reactivity and fear.

These tools are accessible to everyone and can help you live a life that is truly your own. Whether you’re looking to overcome anxiety, improve your relationships, or simply find more peace and joy, ACT, PQ, and IFS offer a practical, effective path to living an authentic life.

How Can You Use These Tools in Your Life?

Think about how you can start applying these tools in your own life. What saboteurs do you need to be aware of? What core wounds do you need to address? How can you begin to live more from your true self today?

Conclusion:

We’ve explored how these three powerful tools—ACT, PQ, and IFS—can transform our lives by helping us heal, grow, and connect with our true selves. Today, we’ve discussed the importance of psychological flexibility, the journey of self-realization, and the practical steps we can take to cultivate a life of inner peace, joy, love, and abundance.

Through the stories of Jack and Jill, we’ve seen that real transformation is possible when we embrace our true selves and commit to living in alignment with our deepest values. I want to encourage each of you to start this journey today. Reflect on your own adaptive behaviors and consider how you might begin to heal old wounds and rewrite your story. Remember, it’s about taking small, intentional steps toward living authentically and fully.

Becoming your True Self isn’t a destination; it’s a continuous journey. It’s about courageously facing who you are, compassionately healing who you’ve been, and boldly stepping into who you’re becoming. It’s about moving from fear to freedom, from survival to thriving. This journey starts with one step—and that step starts with you.

The Fall PQ Program Starts September 21, 2024 (next program, January 2025):

The TSMM program is the easiest and fastest way to access and heal your true self. It’s results have been proven to decrease self-sabotage by 36% when you follow the steps and eradicate the root cause of anxiety and feeling unfulfilled. Please contact Mark@TrueSelfMindMastery to schedule an introductory call to see if the program is for you. We have two spots remaining.